Audiobook Review: Not My Father's Son by Alan Cumming

Not My Father's Son by Alan Cumming: Alan Cumming is a Scottish actor who currently plays Eli Gould on The Good Wife and stars in the Broadway production of Cabaret. This book, however, is not about his life as an actor or how he found his calling to act - it is about his tortured relationship with his father who physically and emotionally abused him throughout his childhood. At times difficult to listen to, the book is raw and insightful and ultimately, quite brave.


Alan Cumming is the youngest son of Mary Darling and Alec Cumming and, with his older brother Tom, grew up in Scotland on an estate for which his father was the caretaker. His father was stern and had high expectations of both boys but seemed to reserve his greatest ire for young Alan. In talking about his childhood, Alan Cumming describes fearing his father and how the family walked on eggshells expecting the next outburst. His father often put the boys to work around the estate doing very manual labor and then criticizing the work they did including physically beating them when it was not to standard. In the rare moments when Alan got to act like a child such as when he rode his bike through the village, he recognized how little of that happiness was in his daily life and how he lived with a pervasive anxiety. He repressed that through much of his life but as an adult, its effects began to become obvious and he could no longer ignore it.

As the book begins, Alan is about to appear on the British version of Who Do You Think You Are? and the producers are going through his family tree looking for a line/story to follow. When his father learns of this, he worries that they will discover his secret so he abruptly discloses to Alan that he is not his real father and that Alan was conceived following a dalliance by his mother. At this point, Alan's relationship with his father was non-existent but this news rocks him and prompts him to re-examine what he thought to be true about his father and their difficult relationship. Interestingly, the show actually ended up exploring Alan's mother's family and focuses on Alan's grandfather. Through that, Alan discovers his Grandfather also had secrets and discovers parallels between the his own life and that of his Grandfather.

My Thoughts
At times, this book was difficult to listen to - I could feel my own chest tightening as Alan recounted the cruel words his father spat at him or the blows he struck. There is a tenderness in how he tells the story because, despite all the therapy he has obviously been through to cope with his history, there is still a rawness to his emotions and he has insights which are revelatory.  I thought the story line of the work on Who Do You Think You Are? provided a nice counterbalance to the conflict with his father. It is also emotional but in a different way and I looked forward to the revelations in that story line. After listening to the book, I actually watched Alan Cumming's episode on the show and it was interesting to see what I had listened to played out on the screen and see expressions on his face which he had described in the book.

The book is read by the author and I enjoyed his Scottish accent but more than that I appreciated the authenticity of the reading of a memoir that only an author can bring to the production. In addition, Cumming is a trained stage actor and his professionalism comes through in the reading of the audiobook. All in all, although his story is very painful, his journey through it is a triumph and provides hope. Definitely recommend.