Audiobook Review: We Are Not Ourselves by Matthew Thomas

We Are Not Ourselves by Matthew Thomas (narrated by Mare Winningham; 20 hours 51 minutes) opens in Woodside, Queens in the home of young Eileen Tumulty. The daughter of Irish immigrants, Eileen is an old soul who faces adult issues at a young age as she watches her mother struggle with alcohol. She is also acutely aware of the fact that her family has not "arrived" and is striving to have enough and to better themselves. Eileen takes this struggle very much to heart and begins an upward climb to acceptance and respectability which she believes comes with financial security. As the book continues, she marries Ed Leary and gives birth to a son, Connell. Together they face the changing face of their neighborhood in Jackson Heights, a health crisis and the realization that, despite hard work and tenacity, the American Dream may remain that little bit out of reach. Beyond just Eileen's story, this novel is the story of mid century American life through to present.

Eileen's story begins as the daughter of Irish immigrants in Queens, NY. Her father, Big Mike, is well known in the neighborhood and the life of the party which is contrasted by her mother who is fragile and turns to alcohol to cope. Eileen identifies more with her father and aims to please him by being a good student and wanting to better herself. When her father tells her he dreams that she will one day own a home as opposed to renting as he and her mother have done, Eileen puts that goal in her sights and goes about achieving it. When she meets Ed Leary, she sees a man who can provide stability but also work with her towards her goals. They do ultimately buy a multi-family home in Jackson Heights but it is Eileen that is the driving force behind making that happen and she is dismayed at Ed's lack of drive towards the goal.

The theme of moving up continues as Jackson Heights begins to change - it becomes more urban and multi-cultural. Eileen sets her sights on Bronxville - an upscale bedroom community with stately homes.  Despite it being quite a stretch financially, the Leary's move to the new neighborhood but Eileen still doesn't feel comfortable - that reaching instilled in her at a young age is nearly impossible to satisfy. In this quote, Eileen considers her inability to find satisfaction:

 “The fact that they were there, that everything they owned wasn’t enough somehow, disturbed her, suggesting a bottomlessness to certain kinds of unhappiness."

 Shortly after their move to Bronxville, however, Ed Leary receives a devastating diagnosis which changes the family's trajectory and pushes the concerns about fitting in to the backseat.

My Thoughts
This powerful novel moved me and is one I won't soon forget. There is so much familiar to me in this book - from the locations throughout Queens (I also grew up in the borough) to Eileen's struggle to make her father proud by doing better than he did thereby making his sacrifices and hard work worthwhile. But as much as this book reflected my own personal experience, it is so powerful because it reflects the quiet drama of every family's lives throughout the years. There is beauty in the capture of everyday celebrations and losses (most especially the losses) and the words the author chooses to describe these moments provide insight you don't understand until you read it.

I listened to this book on audio - the fact that it is over 20 hours long but I found myself looking for more opportunities to listen is a testament to the powerful story told by the author. The narrator, Mare Winningham, is new to me but her voice was perfect for this story largely told from Eileen's point of view.  I do, however, think this would also be a good book to read in print - the sentences are so well crafted, it would be nice to re-read and savor them.  Whether in print or audio, this is definitely the best book I have read in 2014.

Note: Special thanks to Diane of Book Chick Di and Joanne of Lakeside Musing - they both recommended this book and I am glad they led me to it!